i did not blog much nowadays...
life sucks to the max moreover life with some kind of friend that you just know the true colours today after 4 years of friendship. well i dun wish to blurt it out here, but there is no other way that i can rant right now. for all this while, i thought that she is the friend that i can really rely on and shes the friend that accepts me for who am i. but today, 06-03-2006 is the day where all my thoughts went wrong. she still until now could not get the picture.what for must i spent a thought on someone who did not even bothers? whats the advice for?what for i just kept giving her the chance for her to return to where i got to know her few years back after knowing she not the one friend that im longing for? what for i had her as my bestest friend when she said that im just a friend?what for having her as a friend when shes not the same standard and position as me?
ive made a huge mistake again in choosing friend. why must i detour back to my oldies? why just it be gone and gone vanished forever???she kept saying, ''what wrong did i make?'' well so called friend, it would be endless if i were to tell you like A to Z. no use of me telling you after all the silent humiliation that you and your new or friend had made. you clearly said just now that you only wants to work well with those who can work with you. i really get the answer. yes i do. this shows that you can only be as same positon with these bright people as they are fast, 'clever', honoured, compared to people like me which was like far away. i know where my stands now. i may not as what your friends had (im not saying best friends as u claimed they are just friends.) but i have only my self respect and my pride. i know its your own choice of choosing people but hey look here, im not forcing you. yes i mean it. i promised to myself that there would no nature that could take its place anymore. i wish to end it here.
to tell you the truth, i still wants the friendship as per normal, but i have to make decisions as this is totally make me sad as u have make me down by your reaction. you may not feel that you are making me down, coz you did not think the other way round.
all the sweet memories, laughter, joy and happiness and those callings of '' rambot kau lawa'' ''ayam tak bersalah'', head banging, those unforgettable trips, those days in last years 4N1 pit we had, you can have them back.
people, blame me for my dumbness. i dont care. because i rule my life. its my decision. go on and criticise me. go on and say that im an idiot. go on saying that im self-centered. go on and say im too firm. go on and say im stubborn. go on and say i dont deserve to have any friends. go on and say i've changed. go on and say im the wrong one. go on and say im stupid. go on and say im negative. go on and say im too idiot to let go of a most precious friend that i have. go on and say im childish. go on and say im brainless. go on and keep going on coz i really dun care. this is my final decision. im not going to change.